Twas The Night Before Star Wars

28 August, 2004 Ken Poetry & Prose

Twas the night before Star Wars
and all through the flat,
no one could sleep
— not even the cat.

The tickets were bought
from a scalper next day
to ensure we could see
that galaxy, far, far away

The kids didn't want to
but right on the spot
we made them go pee
if they had to or not

Popcorn by the barrel
and salt from the shelf
with this kind of movie
I'd butter it myself

My wife just had nerds,
and the kids mike & ike
if they shut up the whole time
I've promised a bike

And then came the screen
and musac abound,
waiting, for this time
it's THX surround sound

Trivia questions and
advertisements galore,
awaiting impatiently
for Episode IV.

Then all of a sudden
the theatre grew dim;
I clenched my large soft drink
and chewed on the rim.

Empire & Jedi —
their trailers did follow;
I swished 'round my cola
and started to swallow.

Then up though the sinus
and out through the nose,
I sprayed all the people
in all the front rows

I got real nervous
and started to sweat;
I drank so much cola
I started to wet.

And then came the ushers,
a medic, or two;
with convulsions and seizures
I puked up some goo.

They carried me out
before Leia appeared,
and then things went blank
and got real weird.

Droids and troopers
and some desert Jedi
fed me to a Wookie
who looked like a Yeti.

In his intestines
I met Ewoks and rebels;
we all just digested
and turned into pebbles.

And when we came out
into Jabba's big palace,
the rancor was friendly
but Sy sang with malice.

A kiss from her snout —
I screamed and awoke!
Safe in my bed,
not having a stroke.

Was I going mad,
unable to wait?
Or maybe, perhaps
it was something I ate.


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