I really slept in today.

16 November, 2004 Ken Uncategorized

My wife would consider such a thing a total waste in life. I alawys knew differently. Healing from stress, the ultimate downtime, I cherish every moment. And I love sleeping or napping with people (and pets and stuffed animals) I Love.

But here, it brought insight. MANY insights.

I dreampt I was half-awake, and was going to get out of bed and go downstairs. Except I realized there wasn’t usually a downstairs to be had. When I oriented myself, I realized I was still dreaming, and that I was in my bedroom growing up. It was so vivid I was afraid I would sleepwalk naked into the parking lot by doing this, but I eased myself downstairs and walked around the house. I felt intense emotion, seeing the house that I loved so much – the place I called home for 17 years. I was seeing it with the feel that it was here and now, with Merry on the couch (sofa), and I explored the kitchen thinking all the stuff their was hers (ours), and we had decorated the house as a combination of my own memories with our own lives together now or in some future.

This thought – a yearning for the suburbs I usually lead people – including myself – to believe I don’t want to live in. “The city or country for me!” I always say. But I want to live there again someday. More than our farmhouse? Merry would be happy no matter where we lived – I do know that. I am confused – disoriented – and from such will come clarity. I’ll have a talk with my wife when she gets home.

But back to the experience – MORE insight. I always had trouble with self-hypnosis, the pervasive, necessary visualization in particular. I never understood why, and likewise thought it was a lack of practice why my focus in sitting meditation was so poor. Now I klnow the secret – for myself anyway. When I slipped out of REM sleep and I wanted to slip back in – desperately – I found that I could only focus to the extent I needed by having emotional content in my intention (will).

If this makes no sense, please understand that I am experienced in Chinese internal martial arts (physiological metaphysics would be an adequate description). This is the missing key – something right in front of my face all along – to be able to do many things I’ve always meant to do, physically, mentally, spiritually. I am a very intellectual person, and now realize that to connect my “spiritual will” with the physical world requires connection through the emotional plane of reality (now I’m almost slipping into Hindu metaphysics – sue me). Emotional concentration, not just intellectual! Anyway, the implications are endless in my life. If I forget this by this time tomorrow, someone kick me in the arse!


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