I feel heart-broken …

29 September, 2005 Ken Uncategorized

I slapped her. I actually smacked her in the face.

Not quite back-of-the-hand. More like a couple of fingers while I was driving and she stepped over the edge and wouldn’t stop.

I haven’t physically repremanded my daughter since the custody battle when she was 4 (apart from dragging her by the ear from throwing a tantrum in a store when she was too old to carry or drag), though many times she could have used it. But now it’s too late. Instead of being a lesson, it may be taken as an act of hate by her because I never did it before, or at least since she was little.

I feel like crap, but for once I am not going to apologize. That was the whole problem her whole life. We spent our energy making her like us instead of demanding the respect due parents. I always smoothed things over the easy way when we had “disagreements” as if we were peers, instead of being the parent and making her deal with it.

Being the non-custodial parent, it comes down to fear of losing time we spend together. Fear of frivolous accusations by the other parent. Lack of means to discipline. She wont even accept any reprimand, verbal or grounding — she does what she wants because she can, and it’s been spoiling her all this time.

I’m writing a letter to her, even if it ends up an exercise. Being a non-custodial parent sucks ass.

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