Today, I have to tell my daughter that we can no longer make up visitation times. I see her twice a week, and if Christina plans something else, I have to tell her no or give up my time. Her mother insists I do this, and insists it’s between me and my daughter because she doesn’t want to be the bad guy, and when I rearrange times, she doesn’t get to see her as much.
Her mother has a point, but a long time ago (age 10) gave my daughter the freedom to see me or not see me. And I don’t mean “if you don’t like daddy you don’t have to see him” – I mean “if you’d rather go to a friend’s party or to Florida with your best friend, you can do what you want and don’t have to make up the time”. So Chrsitina (being more mature than could have been expected) and I worked it out and I have been giving her more and more leeway with losing time once in a while and rescheduling. Life was good – or at least healthy – for both of us at least.
Now apparently this means she can choose NOT see me if she wants, but CANNOT choose to see me when she wants – I’m not supposed to ask becasue her mother will have to say yes or be the bad guy. Whose freedom is this about? Am I missing something here? It just doesn’t seem right, the more I think about it.
My point of view is that she needs face time with both parents mote than once a week, hell or high water, ESPECIALLY at a time in her life when she wants nothing to do with parents or others outside her peer group. But instead of taking parental responsibility and YES MAKING HER SPEND FAMILY TIME, it’s left up to her (when it comes to ME anyway) hoping she will do the right thing. (Or is someone hoping she WONT do the right thing? I don’t want to beleive that.)
Anyway, I have to “enforce it” to make her homelife with her mom easier, risking straining my relationship with my daughter and not doing what’s best for Christina. Should I be pissed about all this? If not for me then for my daughter’s sake?